Finding My Rhythm

Photo Courtesy of Number One Son

I don't know if it's been apparent, but I've been off my stride for a little while.  Nothing terrible but there has been a disconnect.  This has been going on for a while now.  There has been a bit of dissatisfaction that has lingered around. I can blame part of it on hormones and I'm not using that as an excuse.  A couple of years ago, I had "that" female surgery.  They removed my "junk" as Number One Son put it.  My "junk" would be my ovaries, uterus....I really don't need to go any further, you get the picture.  By doing this, I was thrown immediately into menopause and let me tell you it was ugly. This was not a gradual slide into menopause most woman have, but a hit you up side the head with a cast iron skillet "Hello!"  So, to make a long, nasty story short, it took a while to get my hormone levels back to a normal level so that I was myself again. But...and there's always a but...something still wasn't right. I wasn't happy. And that's hard for me to admit because I generally an easy-going, happy person. Now before anyone gets worried, I had not fallen into depression but I wasn't happy.

I had hoped that once I had my hormones at the correct level, all would be well.  I will have to say that there was a GREAT improvement, but things were still off. This meant that I had to look deeper....into me. Yikes! I don't know about the rest of you, but that's a scary prospect.  Self examination is a difficult task, even on a good day but when things are off kilter, it's even harder.  But I took a deep breath and dove in. That's when I discovered the disconnect.  It wasn't that I was unhappy with me as a person, it was that I was unhappy with my actions.  I was coasting. Now, when you're riding a bike, coasting is great.  You enjoy the breeze and get to take a breath.  But coasting in life, not so much, because you miss a lot.  I was still there for my family and friends but there was no passion in what I was doing. I was just going through the motions. Ugh!  That just sounds bad! It was like everything was going on around me and I was standing still.  How many of you have experienced this?  Talk about a rude awakening!

Photo Courtesy of Number One Son

So last night, when everyone was home, I informed the family that there was going to be a change. We were all going in different directions and passing each other but not seeing each other.  I was missing my family.  They were passing me by and I was missing some very precious moments.  It almost makes me cry to think about it! So the games were turned off.  The television was turned off.  Music was turned on softly. And we talked while I cooked dinner. And we sang old Hall & Oates songs together.  Then we sat down to the table and ate dinner...together. Why had we gotten away from this? Busy schedules?  Please! And we talked about our day. We joked and we laughed.  Then the Boys cleaned up the dishes and we went into the den and watched some TV together and we talked some more  - about what we were watching, about the garden that we are going to plant this Spring (our first one ever! Eye rolls from the Boys), about what gifts we were going to get for family this Christmas (and which ones we were I was going to make) - and I was engaged again.  I was involved. 

Photo Courtesy of Number One Son

And as I stood outside, holding the umbrella over Number One Son's head so that he could take these pictures, I felt whole again. I was happy and life was good.

P.S. Thank you everyone for your Birthday wishes!  They were so sweet and greatly appreciated!