Wednesday, February 8, 2012
I Often Wonder
Having sick ones at home makes me wonder about the paths we take in our lives and what would have happened if I'd taken a different one. I'm not talking about the "what if I hadn't married my husband" type of path either. That one was a given as far as I'm concerned, as was having my children. Those were decisions made that I would never change or wonder about. But what if I had stayed on the same path that I was on in college?
We also had a neighbor that had a farm not far from the house. He would go every evening when he got home from his office job to take care of the cows. He had a donkey/mule (don't remember which) called Beauty that no one could ride...but he/she could pull a plow like nobody's business. Sometimes, if we were lucky, he'd take us kids with him. We'd "help" him feed the cows and play in the hay barn.
I went on to college and my slight hippy tendencies became stronger, though slightly muffled by the eighties. By the time my husband met me I was "crunchy", but not a full blown "granola." I think he found it amusing. I enjoyed camping and hiking. I had long (to my butt) blond hair, lived in blue jeans but wore makeup. (Hello, can you say vain?) I had a mouth that would make a sailor proud and wouldn't take crap off anyone. The only thing that's changed since then is my hair has gotten darker and slightly shorter with age. I probably dress more hippy now than I did then, but I still live in blue jeans. My eating habits are slowly working their way back to how I ate then too - Lots of fruits and veggies and very little meat (mostly chicken and fish). But during all this, there was a little part of me that wanted to go back the neighbor's farm or my Aunt and Uncle's place.
I know that "what ifs" are often a waste of time, but sometimes I just can't help it. Sometimes I want to quit my job and ask my Aunt if I could build a little house on her land, support myself with a garden and some farm animals and maybe raise Alpacas...and bless her heart, she'd probably welcome me with open arms. The older I get, the more appealing it sounds. And I think Car Guy is starting to agree with me, just a little. I'm afraid it will have to wait a while though. We've two boys that have no desire to live "out in the middle of nowhere" and we need to keep working as they want to go to college. I'll give them that, but once they're done....