Some days I wonder why I do some of what I do. Is there happiness in the process or is it just routine? Is it even important. I think that once your children are older, and don't need you as much, it's not uncommon for women to question their purpose. Am I only here for a meal...a paycheck...a clean house? Is what I'm doing even matter anymore? What is the purpose?
I know some of my younger friends don't understand this feeling so much. They are young and so full of life and adventure...it's all starting for them. They are looking for that special someone or waiting for that child they've always wanted or raising the little ones they already have. The are just discovering their purpose. What happens when that purpose changes?
That's where I find myself now. Trying to figure it all out again. Wondering...or wandering...not sure which. So much of my adult life has been for my children, and let's face it, I'm pretty much done. Not quite, but mostly. That leaves a hollow spot. It's a bit sad and exciting at the same time. Now I get to do for me. Does that sound selfish? Oh, I hope not.
So this season, possibly my favorite of seasons, brings change in the world around us. A beginning of dormancy and hibernation for some. Hopefully it will be the beginning...an awakening of sorts. Maybe I'll finally get to decide who I want to be when I grow up.