Friday, May 21, 2010

Ninja Pounds - Thanks Kelly!

This is dedicated to my new friend Kelly.  She introduced me to a phrase that I just love....Ninja Pounds - because they are sneaky and stealthy.

I have 20 ninja pounds I can't seem to get rid of.  Where did they come from?  My whole life, I was one of those skinny people.  You know, the one that everybody hated.  It didn't matter what I ate, I stayed skinny.  Until about a year ago.  I started gaining weight for no apparent reason.  I didn't change my diet.  I was never one for eating huge quantities at one time.  I'm a nibbler - a little bit here and there throughout the day.  This seemed to work for me.  My life style didn't change.  My activity level didn't change.  But everything else, like my butt, was changing.  It started growing.  The first few pounds weren't a problem.  I'm 5'8' and I weighed (past tense) 135 pounds.  I could use a little weight.  But it didn't stop. Those ninja pounds kept sneaking up on me and before I knew it I weighed 160 pounds.  How did this happen?  It turns out that my female organs weren't working.  I wasn't producing estrogen anymore.  So not only was I gaining weight, but I was acting like a complete loon.  One minute, I was my normal happy, go lucky self (seriously, I'm pretty laid back) and the next minute,  I was a bitter, sarcastic, hateful old hag.  I was scaring my family and myself.  So I went to the doctor, had the vile, non working, offensive organs removed.  But you know what?  Those ninja pounds decided they wanted to stick about vile and offensive!

That was six months ago.  I've managed to get rid of 5 ninja pounds but that is probably just water.  I've given up soft drinks - oh how I'd love a Dr. Pepper.  I've started walking - translates to torture - almost every evening after dinner.  I don't really enjoy it, I wish I did.  I just haven't found the form of exercise that I like. I'm eating sensible food...not a problem, I've always done that.  I'm not eating less because I didn't eat a lot to begin with.  It's all very frustrating.  I know that if I slack off and look over my shoulder, those sneaky, stealthy ninja pounds are waiting to attach attack my behind.  I mean seriously, are we supposed to look over our shoulder, look down and actually see our own behind? How much "cushion" does someone need?

It's all good.  I'm planning my own sneak attack.  I've decided that ninja warfare is mental and all my friends know I'm mental.  If I don't mind, it doesn't matter.  Those ninja pounds aren't really there.  If I think hard enough, I'll "will" them away. If you see me walking down the street, talking to someone over my shoulder and there's no one there...Don't worry, I'm just letting the ninja pounds know that I'm aware of them and I know they are following me, waiting for their next chance to sneak attack. I will not be defeated.   And as I do this, please let me know when those ninjas in the little white jackets try to sneak up behind me to lock me away because I've finally gone of the deep end.


  1. isn't Kelly great? she comes up with the most awesome sayings lol =) i too am not a fan of the ninja pounds, sneaky little bastards =)

  2. I hate those sneaky little buggers....and they love my hips!!!