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This blog is just the random things that pop into my head...Events, people, places, and the strange workings of my mind...Enjoy the ride!
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Change
Oh gosh...I'm having one of those weeks...It's all on the heels of great triumph for my son and possible triumph for Car Guy and I am feeling....blah. Restless. Aggravated. Frustrated. Irritated. (Did I cover all the "ated" words?) There is a feeling of discontent that I can't quite put my finger on. I think part of it is good ol' fashioned "mama angst" and the knowledge that change is coming. You see, I'm a creature of habit, so that means I'm not that crazy about change...even good change. Change makes me question things...particularly when the change is happening all around me, but not necessarily with me. Is any of this making sense?
Number One Son's college acceptance has brought home the fact that my baby is almost grown and will be leaving the nest....I'm not ready. And for some reason, I don't think he'd be to keen on the idea of me grabbing hold of him and hanging on for dear life. I might not be ready for him to leave, but he's ready...at least in his mind. I'm sure he's excited, afraid, thrilled and so much more...and I'm already feeling lost...like something is missing. This brings up so many questions in my mind...Did I teach him everything I was supposed to teach him? Will he be OK? I know he's smart, but will he make the "right" decisions? What if he gets hurt? What if he falls for the wrong girl? I'm not going to be there to help...not that he'd let me. He's at that age where he wants everything to be "just so" and is selective about what he'll "allow" his mother to be a part of and what he'll allow her to "fix." That is it's own mine field...trying to find the right distance. Don't hover, but don't go too far away....sigh. I appreciate my own mother so much more now. In fact my appreciation for her grows every day. How do you step back, let go and trust? Her response...you just do. It sounds so simple but is the hardest thing I've ever done...and I'm just not ready. I don't think I ever will be.
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Oh Melissa, I wish we could sit down and share a cup of coffe and just talk.
ReplyDeleteI don't do change well either, it makes my chest hurt, but change is part of life.
Not only do you just do as your mom says, I think you have to trust too. Trust in yourself that you did the best you could do and know that things really will be okay. Sure there may be stumbling blocks, but again that is life and it helps us to grow.
Many, many hugs to you as you now get ready to enter a new phase in motherhood. Please know you are not alone and if you need a shoulder to cry on, we are here!
awww, hugs!
ReplyDeleteDear Melissa.. life is one challenge after another, isn't it? I remember thinking that when they graduated high school that my work was done and the rest was up to them.. but I was wrong. You worry about them during each step of the way. But from now on, you have to be careful of what wisdom you share with them, because it can bounce the wrong way.. they may just do exactly opposite of what you think they should do. Then you have to watch them choose a mate.. you will rarely approve. Then the grandkids will come.. it just goes on. Good luck with all of it. :-) We're here if you need us. ((hugs)), Teresa :-)
ReplyDeleteI don't do change well either. I have no mama-advice to share (my little one leaving the nest still seems eons away!), but I am sending you much love!
ReplyDeleteYou can do it! Promise! I spent the entire last summer telling my son life lessons/skills. Some of the strange. But it made me feel better to know I told him everything he could possibly need to know while away from home. Good luck, you are not alone and there are so many of us here for you :)
ReplyDeletechange.... i never like change at first. it takes me a while to get used to any new phase in life.
ReplyDeleteall of you will do just fine!
have you got skype set up yet? it makes a world of a difference when you're apart!
Oh I can feel your pain, change is hard, even harder when it means children leaving. My little man is still so far off from that, but I know it will come and the thought of it makes my heart ache.
ReplyDeleteI like your moms point of view, "you just do". I think this applies to so much in parenting. And with a little bit of trust in yourself that you did the best you could and everything will work out.
Sending hugs across the miles :)
Ooooh, boy, can I relate to this. I like how you put it, too: when change is happening around you but not necessarily with you. So true.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate my own mom so much better now, too... giving kids more space and room to grow is one of the most difficult things we'll ever have to do. And making their own (possibly big!) mistakes? Forget it. I'm a mess about stuff like that.
I think the fact that you're keying in on what's wrong means you're processing it as you should be. It's a kind of grieving process, I think. One thing I keep reminding myself about, when it's something along the lines of college: it's a good change. It's a good change. There are so many bad things that could be happening. I have to remember that everything is happening as it should. It doesn't make it easier, but it helps me process the change. My thoughts are with you!
I think you may have just put into words what I've been feeling - mama angst, restlessness, etc. Change is always difficult for me - I don't embrace change easily - it's more of a process. My 2 will be going off to college this year, and I'm feeling that way. (of course, our transition is a bit easier - they'll be attending locally and living at home for 2 years and then transfer...) Visiting from clover - will be back for another visit. :)
ReplyDeletei don't mind change but i do dread the thought of my littles starting to flee the nest. heartbreaking just to think about it. wishing you the best as things begin to change!
ReplyDeleteah mama angst. ((hugs)) to you through all of these BIG transitions with your babes!
ReplyDelete