|One of my favorite pictures.|
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Oh gosh...I'm having one of those weeks...It's all on the heels of great triumph for my son and possible triumph for Car Guy and I am feeling....blah. Restless. Aggravated. Frustrated. Irritated. (Did I cover all the "ated" words?) There is a feeling of discontent that I can't quite put my finger on. I think part of it is good ol' fashioned "mama angst" and the knowledge that change is coming. You see, I'm a creature of habit, so that means I'm not that crazy about change...even good change. Change makes me question things...particularly when the change is happening all around me, but not necessarily with me. Is any of this making sense?
Number One Son's college acceptance has brought home the fact that my baby is almost grown and will be leaving the nest....I'm not ready. And for some reason, I don't think he'd be to keen on the idea of me grabbing hold of him and hanging on for dear life. I might not be ready for him to leave, but he's ready...at least in his mind. I'm sure he's excited, afraid, thrilled and so much more...and I'm already feeling lost...like something is missing. This brings up so many questions in my mind...Did I teach him everything I was supposed to teach him? Will he be OK? I know he's smart, but will he make the "right" decisions? What if he gets hurt? What if he falls for the wrong girl? I'm not going to be there to help...not that he'd let me. He's at that age where he wants everything to be "just so" and is selective about what he'll "allow" his mother to be a part of and what he'll allow her to "fix." That is it's own mine field...trying to find the right distance. Don't hover, but don't go too far away....sigh. I appreciate my own mother so much more now. In fact my appreciation for her grows every day. How do you step back, let go and trust? Her response...you just do. It sounds so simple but is the hardest thing I've ever done...and I'm just not ready. I don't think I ever will be.